a special feature from Kay Ziplow & Leslie Zinberg, founders

If you poll all the grandparents you know, and maybe those you don’t- you’ll come away with one important fact…. each ‘grand’parent is unique and has their own style.  There is no book or manual to read and we don’t care what anyone says- plain and simple this is the best time of your life!  Now, think of it this way; like Iris Apfel in all her glory and style setting- we too are very much the same. Each of us brings to the table a very exclusive one-of-a-kind character.  Take note of that because you can customize your ideal role as a grandparent. Trust us when we tell you…. no one size fits all when it comes to grandparenting! Be unique and be yourself! Here’s a few ips we’d love to share:

FIguring Out Your Role as a Grandparent
Many factors will come into play as you work out your grandparenting role:
-Is there a type of grandparent that you want to be? Do you naturally gravitate toward a specific role or roles?
-What kind of grandparent would the parents like you to be? What are the needs of the parents, and how can you be supportive to them?
-How much time do you realistically have to spend with your grandchildren—and how much of a presence do you want to be in their lives?
-What are you willing and able to do?
–Do you live nearby or is distance a factor? Are you trying to decide whether to move in to help with your grandchild?
-Are the family dynamics open and easy or is there conflict you need to navigate?
Talk to the parents about their ideas for your role and share yours with them. Be clear about your choices, air any concerns and keep the lines of communication open.

As you work out your role, always remember that the parents are in charge. You may have raised your own children differently, but unless you become the primary caregiver, raising your grandchildren is the parents’ job, not yours. Abide by the rules and routines they establish for their children. Refrain from offering advice unless requested, and even then, do so with caution. Unsolicited advice can lead to family conflict that can interfere with your relationship with the parents and therefore your grandchild.

Understand and Accept Your Role As Grandparent
You may play a role in helping raise your grandchild, but you’re not the main person in charge. Take a back seat and leave the parenting up to the parents.

-Give advice only when asked. Giving out unsolicited advice can alienate new parents and stress your relationship. Offer your wisdom only when asked, and don’t be upset or offended if they don’t put your advice to use.
-Bite your tongue: If the new parents do something that you don’t agree with or have a differing opinion on, keep it to yourself.
-Be observant, but ready to help. To avoid stepping on toes, give the parents space and follow their lead if they ask for help. For example, if a parent asks you to help clean up the toys, watch how things are organized and put away, but don’t comment on how you think the toys should be put away or how messy it still looks.
-Respect the wishes and rules of the parents. They may differ from the rules you followed to raise your kids; keep an open mind and heed the parents’ wishes. If they ask you to have your grandchildren in bed by 8 p.m., don’t put them in bed at 8:15 p.m. If they ask you not to give them sugary drinks, don’t do it.

Develop a Deeper Relationship With Your Grandchild

Don’t force a bond between you and your grandchild; let it happen naturally. Give it time and look for opportunities to interact. For example, volunteer to change diapers, or get down on the floor and play with your grandchildren. If they’re sleeping over, read them a book, share stories about yourself or the family, play board games, bake, take walks, get outside, shoot hoops, go to the park, watch a funny movie, listen to music, snuggle.